Call me Cliff. I'm a retired GI with 22 years of enlisted service -- which means I don't have a formal education, and I'm broke. But I do have a great sense of humor and an eye for the stupid. I enjoy contemporary news with a twist of sarcasm. Holy Sarcasm is informative, yet controversial about religion, politics, sex, society and the military. And to liven it up I add celebrity action and anything that's funny but has no public value at all -- like the woman driver who plowed her destroyer into a sandbar. Not much value -- just funny, and true. I try to get my facts as accurate as possible but I am human and will make mistakes. It is impossible to make any warranty to the validity and accuracy of my content. I "assume" the information to be true because I get the information from the news media.
Many images posted on this website are readily available on the internet. I do my best to provide credit to the photographers. All images on this website are "assumed" to be posted within the limits U.S. Copyright Fair Use Act (title 17, U.S. Code.) If, however, I unknowingly posted a picture which infringes on your copyright, and you want me to remove the offending picture (or give you link), please let me know so I can remedy the situation.
I enjoy rooting for the under-dogs. So, when it comes to the "stiff competition" on the morning shows, I'm not supporting ABC, CBS, Fox News, or NBC. I'm voting for CNNs whacker-licious Robin Meade.
Cliff'isms.
"I'm a born-again Evangelical." A handy title when associating with religious folks or Republicans.
I invented the color "slut-red." Women don't wear red -- they wear "slut-red." It's much sexier.
"Nancy Reagan Red." See "slut-red."
"What indians?!??" It's difficult to explain that one.
"Use a sledge hammer to kill a piss ant." Great use of force that could have been accomplished with less force.
The "USS Mother-in-law." My wife's mother. A big, famous WWII battleship. Very loud. Diesel powered. Bent Propellers.
"The Battleship." See "USS Mother-in-law." Dry-berths in our house for needed repairs.
"I'm an Amway Distributor." Something to say to strangers to make them leave you alone.
"A Whacker." A women who's so beautiful, her makeup and hair are so impeccable, that men want to . . .
"Whacker-licious." See "Whacker."
Robin Meade. See "Whacker-licious."
Rita Cosby is beautiful from the neck up.
Steffi Graf is beautiful from the neck down.
Nancy Grace is beautiful from the ankles down.
"Are your ovaries acting up?" Something to say to men when they act like a dramatic, hormonal woman.
Glenn Beck. See "Are your ovaries acting up?"
"Testicles out-rank ovaries." An inflammatory comment when involved with a pissing argument with a woman.
"You could screw up a soup sandwich." Similar to people who could screw up a wet dream.
"You lie like a cheap watch." Something to say to people who were caught in a lie.
"Panties on fire!" See "you lie like a cheap watch."
"You smell good enough to eat." Something to say to women who smell delicious.
"You smell like a little French whore." See "you smell good enough to eat."
"I don't approve of porn. It's degrading to men."
"Sit down, shut up and color." Heard frequently in the military.
" . . . And the horse I rode in on." Better to say it before someone else tells me to do it.
"A shit salesman with a mouthful of samples." A person who doesn't talk well.
There's no such thing as "that skirt is too short." However skirts can be too long.
Women should wear stilettos. Preferably slut-red.
"Sexy women don't wear panties."
Legs encased in silky, shiny pantyhose are much sexier than bare legs.
Never, I mean NEVER wear panties with pantyhose! It's just wrong.
Makeup is to your face what pantyhose is to your legs.
If you wear makeup in public, then you should be wearing pantyhose as well.
Legs are under-rated. Boobs are over-rated.
"Fetish is the spice of life."
Variety is over-rated. Kinky is under-rated.
All wives should own six wigs. She should be permitted to be herself on the seventh day.
"Slut" infers a positive trait.
Barefoot, pregnant women are NOT sexy. I'm sexist. I want them in miniskirts, pantyhose, and stilettos.
"Every man has a poison." Blondes, asians, boobs, ass, feet, etc.
The rules of male sexuality apply equally to all men. Your father. Your son. Your brother. Your husband.
"My heart pumps purple panther piss for you." A sarcastic statement when someone complains too much.
Running is pointless. Unless someone is chasing me I'm not going to run.
Walking is pointless if you own a car.
Had sex in East Germany years before the Berlin Wall came down. But it was with my wife, so it doesn't count.
Had sex in the ICC during "Green Week" in West Berlin. It doesn't count either. It was with my wife.
Had sex outside the Art Gallerie in West Berlin. But it was with my wife -- but we did get a beautiful daughter from it.
Had sex with Robin Meade. Then I woke up. It was my wife. Damn.
Attended a live sex show in West Berlin. Yes. They really did "it."
"Butt Load." More colorful and descriptive than "boat load." More appropriate than "shit load."
Got thrown out of a bar in Venice, Italy.
Got thrown out of an AppleBees in Florida.
Got aboard Billionaire Malcolm Forbes "Capitalist Tool" Boeing 727 in West Berlin.
Got a ride in an F15 at Luke AFB. Went supersonic and then flew along the Grand Canyon.
