This is the funniest clip I've ever seen of Kermit.  I didn't know Kermit was like this.  Ok, all jokes aside, it's me when CNNs whacker-licious Robin Meade comes on in the morning.

I have no idea what an "expensive hooker" looks like.  I'd like to think that if a top-notch Las Vegas hooker charges $5,000 per hour, she'd better be at least as good looking as Robin Meade.  Of course this is a moot point because I couldn't pay $5,000 if I wanted to.  Maybe $200 with a GI discount.  I have champagne taste and beer money.  But . . . how about the ugliest hookers in the world?  What do they look like, and how much do they charge?  That answer is in Fort Payne, Alabama where a 62-year-old Grandma (pictured on left) and her daughter (pictured on right) have been arrested for prostitution.  They are without a doubt the ugliest hookers in America. They epitomize "Holy Fuck!"  But -- how much do they charge? This is the funny part.  They both got arrested when they propositioned an undercover police officer for a mother-daughter-threesome for $15 each!

Fifteen dollars?!?!?!?  The ugliest and cheapest hookers in the world!

This story could also be titled "Sex addict with a drug problem."  Either way, this man hit bottom in an embarrassing way. Jamie Thomas Lacey, 27, was home getting wasted on LSD and amphetamines, and upon reaching a point in which he was extremely aroused and needed sexual release, he broke into his neighbors house and proceeded to commit rape on some household appliances.  His neighbor, a lady, later arrived home and found pornographic magazines and clothes strewn around, and a makeshift sex aid constructed from a Toilet Duck bottle, a piece of wood and a latex glove.  Her vacuum cleaner was in the bathroom -- and also a black carry bag filled with condoms, gloves, creams and a tapered wooden stick.  The embarrassed man admitted to police that it was his "masturbation bag.''  The defense attorney argued there was no proof his client used the vacuum as a sex aid, but the judge retorted it was unlikely it had been used for cleaning. "I'm sure that your client didn't hoover the carpets,'' the judge said.
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Yes, he's a federal prosecutor out of Pensacola, Florida.  His name John David Roy Atchison, 53, he was arrested in Detroit, Michigan -- get this -- for federal charges that he flew to Michigan to have sex with a 5-year-old girl.  He was charged with using interstate communication to entice a minor to have sexual contact and traveling across state lines with the intent of engaging in illicit sexual contact.

Leading up to the arrest was months of Internet conversations between the Atchison and a detective posing as the mother of a 5-year-old girl.  Atchison initiated an online chat with an undercover officer posing as a mother interested in letting men have sex with her daughter.   Atchison referred to himself as "very much a family man." Between Aug. 31 and Sept. 12, Atchison had almost daily contact with Findlay. During several conversations, he described various sexual acts he wanted to perform with Findlay's fictitious 5-year-old daughter.  He said he wanted to have oral, vaginal and anal sex with her 5-year-old daughter.  He assured Findlay that the child wouldn't require any medical attention after the sexual acts took place. "I'm always gentle and loving; not to worry; no damage ever; no rough stuff ever, ever," he said, according to the complaint.  Pressed on how he could be sure, he responded: "I've done it plenty."  Days before traveling to Michigan, he told the undercover officer to tell the 5-year-old, "You found her a sweet boyfriend who will bring her presents."  Atchison took a Continental flight to Houston on Sunday morning, changed planes and arrived in Detroit at 4:52 p.m.

BUSTED!  He was taken into custody without incident as he got off the plane.  He was carrying a Dora the Explorer doll, hoop earrings and petroleum jelly.

Atchison worked in the U.S. Attorney's Office in Pensacola since 1980s, mostly handling asset forfeitures in criminal cases and civil cases in which the United States was a party. He's also president of the Gulf Breeze Sports Association, a volunteer community group focused on youth sports, where he is a soccer and baseball coach.  His wife is a science teacher at the Gulf Breeze High School.  They have three children high school age or older.

~ UPDATE SEPTEMBER 20 ~

He tried to hang himself early this morning at the Sanilac County Jail.   The 4 a.m. suicide attempt came only one day after Atchison asked a federal judge to take him off a suicide watch and assured her he would not try to harm himself. He had tied a sheet around his neck, but the suicide attempt was discovered by sheriff's deputies before he had a chance to harm himself. "One of the other inmates hollered that he was doing it," and jail deputies responded quickly.  The inmate in the adjacent cell raised the alarm.  Atchison has been moved from Sandusky, in Michigan's Thumb, to another facility.

Everybody knows men need pictures -- we just can't function properly without them.  This of course implies that we've already downloaded our favorite porn pictures -- on our own computer -- in our own private area, like our home or bedroom.  But what about homeless men?  They have it hard.  They have no pictures, no porn, no computer, no home.  No Nothing.  This is a serious dilemma.

What does a homeless man do without a computer, magazines, porn, TV, DVD, VCR?  He heads straight to the library!  Such is the case with a 26-year-old homeless man in Winnipeg, Canada, who decided he was horny and wanted to take care of business.  He enters the University of Manitoba's McDermot Avenue campus library, sits down at one of the computers, and makes himself comfortable as he surfs for porn.  Upon seeing pictures that aroused him, he unzips his pants, pulls his dick out, and starts jacking off.  Right there at the computer.  In the library.  In front of everybody.  Surfing porn.  With his dick in his hand.

 

This is inappropriate behavior.  What if an impotent man had seen this?  or an innocent nun?  Security is called.  They approach him.  He keeps going -- ignoring them.  He's focused as he stares into the monitor.  He keeps going.  He's focused.  He's going.  In spite of the obvious presence of the security staff he makes no effort to zip himself up.

Instead, he looks up and says, "I'm almost done.  Can I finish?"  ROFLMAO!!! That's too funny!  What a brazen, cocky wanker.

When he was taken into police custody, he told police he does it "all the time" at the library. Later in court the judge referred to the actions by the brazen, cocky wanker as "public."

"I wasn't masturbating in public," he said.  "I do it all the time. I was just sitting at a computer, downloading a few things and I got a little horny ... I do it all the time."

The judge sentenced him to time served and six months probation, sparking an argument from the brazen, cocky wanker, who wanted to stay in jail rather than serve more probation. He threatened he would re-offend if released.

"I'm not in the business of keeping people in jail longer than they need to be," said the judge. "You're 26, you've got a long life ahead of you. I'm just saying you should keep the peace and be of good behavior.  That means not masturbating in a library or anywhere else. Got it?"

The judge released the cocky, brazen wanker to the custody of his parents.

ROFLMAO!!!!  HIS PARENTS?!?!?!?!  I'm glad I'm not his dad.
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You have serious marital problems when your wife can't get through a hot sex session without stabbing you in the chest.  Police in Gilbert, AZ, have accused a 23-year-old woman of trying to kill her estranged husband by stabbing him in the chest with a kitchen knife during sex.  Falon Gonzales and her husband, 26-year-old Juan Carlos Gonzales, were having marital problems and had filed for divorce last month. Falon Gonzales arrived at the home, and while waiting for Gonzales to arrive, she contemplated whether to harm him by stabbing him with a kitchen knife that she placed in a duffel bag.  She put the knife in the duffel bag for the purpose of injuring him after she lured him to the bathroom to have sexual intercourse.  But instead they began kissing and she suggested they enter the master bedroom bathroom to have sexual intercourse.  Once disrobed, she told Gonzalez she was going to get sexual toys from the closet.  She returned with the duffel bag containing a knife. During sex, Falon reached into the duffel bag, removed the knife and stabbed him in the chest. She said, "I'm sorry Juan." After she removed the knife from his chest, the two began to struggle for the knife.  Gonzales was able to flee the home.  Juan Gonzales went to a neighbor's house for help and then taken to a Scottsdale hospital in serious condition with a collapsed lung. Police found Falon Gonzales in a home about two miles away. She was taken to a Gilbert hospital with a hand laceration. She has been arrested and charged with attempted homicide.

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Who would have thought that swinging would become so popular while our country is becoming so religious.  Lifestyles Organization, the nation's largest swinger services company, has annual sales of about $15 million.  Swingers also bring in millions of dollars to specialty clubs and hotels in the United States as well as Jamaica, Mexico, France and elsewhere. "We're talking about a lifestyle, but in reality we are also talking about a business," Robert McGinley, 73, the president of Lifestyles Organization, said during its annual convention in Las Vegas, which attracts about 900 couples.  Lifestyles Organization caters to a middle-class demographic who want to meet like-minded couples and who typically want to hide their passions from what they call "vanillas" (conventional couples). 

 

Terri, 48, attending the convention from Boise, Idaho -- who asked that her last name not be published -- said she and her husband of 21 years spend as much as $8,000 a year on several weeks of swinging vacations and club visits.  At this year's event, Anaheim, California-based Lifestyles Organization contracted out an entire hotel near the Las Vegas Strip and organized seminars and parties for middle-aged couples.  The most exhibitionist of those gathered in open hotel rooms after midnight to have sex as others watched or joined in. Some couples made small talk as they were engaged in sex, including one man who boasted that his son was in medical school.  "The other night I looked up and there were five or six people looking," said Terri, who retired from the U.S. Air Force two years ago. "I'm glad I was giving them a good show." "I've had three (lovers) in the past 24 hours."

Leading sex researchers say they do not know the number of swingers in the United States, so it is difficult to pinpoint how much business the subculture represents overall.  Rick Conner, a swinger and author of an advice book for such couples, estimates there are 100,000 U.S. swingers, of whom 20,000 are particularly active. Other swingers have suggested the number is in the low millions.  Despite the unusual focus of the convention, McGinley shares the bottom-line concerns of many businessmen.  "In business there is risk and you have to decide is it a reasonable risk or not," he said. "Behind the scenes there is a lot of planning that goes into this and a lot of going over financials of the past and what is the current situation." He said couples paid a registration fee of $690, out of which $200 covered costs, leaving an overall profit of more than $400,000. Couples pay additionally for hotel rooms and flight costs.

 

Conventions bring Lifestyles $4 million in annual sales; their travel business booking swinging guests into resorts such as Hedonism II in Jamaica or Desire in Mexico bring in another $10 million to $12 million a year, McGinley said.  "We relax our already liberal rules to accommodate the Lifestyles Organization and make the entire resort clothing-optional," explained Richard Bourke, general manager of Hedonism II.  He said Lifestyles Organization books $2 million of rooms a year over six contracted weeks. Hedonism II staff are barred from intimate relations with the guests and some have been fired for violating the edict, Bourke said.   You have resorts with big-name resort companies that are catering to it," McGinley said. "They're not into swinging at all, but they are into making money, and we're the ones that provide the clients for them."

Desire Resort and Spa in Los Cabos, Mexico opened in November with a focus on the swinging market. About half of the guests are active swingers, according to Jesus Prado Leal, a receptionist.  Several hundred clubs nationwide also cater to swingers. Jeff James, who works for Club Freedom Acres in San Bernardino County east of Los Angeles, said 225 to 260 couples visit on a typical Saturday night, paying $85 each, with a similar number on Fridays paying $65. "It's doubled in daily attendance in the last three years," he said.  Swinging also boosts ancillary services such as breast enhancements and erectile dysfunction drugs. "Viagra is definitely part of the adult scene," said Deborah, a 52-year old aesthetician grandmother from Dallas, Texas, who asked that her last name not be used. "Instead of four stars before, it's probably five stars now."

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Lifestyles Organiztion website

Have you ever had the itch to have sex in public? Hmmmm. . .sounds exciting doesn't it. How about sex on vacation in a town where nobody knows you? And of course, it's all fun and exciting until you get arrested and your name, address, and mug shot get published in the media. But. . . .what if your homeless? What do you have to lose. Fuck it! This "couple" with no address look like they had nothing to lose. Get the full story here

In Columbia, South Carolina, police on Wednesday were investigating how a naked couple fell four stories from the roof of a downtown office building to their deaths. The man and woman were found near the sidewalk by a passing cab driver around 5 a.m. One person was pronounced dead at scene and the other died a short time later. Their clothing was discovered on the roof, leading authorities to assume the couple, in their early 20s, may have been having sex. That is GREAT SEX!